Guest Post: You Can’t Shave a Vagina!

(Parental guidance advised. I mean for me. Someone should tell me not to post this kind of stuff, but I am an orphan.)

Apologies to you all, because today’s Belly-Up is late. It was meant to be up yesterday, April 1st. I won’t complain, though, because my guest poster, Koala Amandpor, is the co-CEO (with her mom) of General United Industries, and she is one of the many fine bloggers over there! Koala is also an amateur artist, but is best known as the originator of the fashionable “Thongs of Praise” and “Penitent Panties” lines of dryer-lint-based undergarments — which we all can praise for their uplifting bottom-line message, “Hope in Drying Times.” Koala may not know the difference between a panda and a koala (see below), but I admire her spirit of American Industry, especially her insistence that “some of our profits go to some charity, somewhere.” So, when this busy mother of twins asked me to post her latest “Pubic Service Announcement,” I really had no choice. (No really. She has a pet bear, people.)

(Please note: Koala’s fictional, satirical opinions are her own, especially as regards issues of religion and sexual orientation.)

Take it away, Koala (and may the Flying Spaghetti Monster have mercy on us all):

playingPanda

Hey there! This is me, Koala! =>

Hiya to all you Belly-Uppers! I am here cuz Mom says I gotta branch out, if I wanna share my wize words of wizdom. So here’s a Pubic Service Announcement about 1 of my pet peeves, folks who think they can shave their vaginas. I put this pic (C below) up, cuz so many people think they can shave their vaginas, but they can’t — and they can’t picture why. Why not, U ask? Because vaginas R innies, not outies. And unless U R some kinda mutant, yors is not harry.  Not harry at all. It’s also hard to see. I will be so bold as to speculate that even gynecologists can’t see in there — not without spelunking with a spelunkulum.

Please note that  I note the “Part 2 Shave if U Must” is the part just north of the Volvo.

But I half 2 ask: must U? Must U, really?

Cuz here’s a good reason not 2: Infection. Nasty infection. And that nasty infection has a sinister name: molluscum contagiosum virus (MCV), which, in layman’s terms, is the Spreading Clam Virus, which is not 2 B confused with the crabs.

Now that that is settled, I need 2 remind U all that no matter how embarrassing this subject is, it is just dum not 2 talk about it. And even dummer 2 tell teachers they can’t say the word “vagina.” There R  worse words out there, folks. Do we really want teachers 2 use the P word, instead? Or the C word? Think about it!

Here is another link U should read. Or not. Whatever.

The Six Weirdest Things Women Do 2 Their Vaginas

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2 responses

  1. I can see you rolling on the floor, holding your belly, drying your tears, kicking your feet and banging your fists over this one. It whizzes right past me, but you know I’m dense. 😮

    1. I’m an April fool, no doubt. Can’t say I was rolling, weeping or banging over this one, but at least I’m purged of perverse social satire for a while! Every so often, I’ve gotta go OTT.

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