Category Archives: Book News

An April Fool… in Love?

Troll e book launch today — only at Amazon! Here’s a sneak peek at just one of my many illustrations for For Whom the Bell Trolls, the world’s first and only charity anTROLLogy for grown-ups, edited by John L. Monk and me: A Fool for Love. For me, this book has been a year-and-a-half long labor of love, after all. Of course, when you are a troll in love, “clubbing” takes on a whole new meaning…

Romance riotI hope you will buy the book today, if you can; since all profits will be donated by the publisher to Equality Now, the higher we can get the book in the Amazon rankings the more visibility — and therefore the greater income for the charity! Here’s my pitch for this unique book of funny, thrilling, mysterious, moving and sometimes naughty stories. (We mean it; this book is for adults who never quite grew up, not for kids who hope to do so!) In addition to stories donated by 22 authors from all over the world, you will find my first published illustrations… and even feisty troll haiku and an Easter egg hunt! So please share. And have a wonderful April Fool’s Day.

troll ad for back of books larger text See it on Amazon.com or Amazon UK !

The Harbinger of Gloom Street

Harbinger cover

Once upon a time, two odd things happened. Two things that would,  years later, come together to form a most unusual story and its podcast.
But first: SPOILER ALERT. You might want to go listen to the story first (26 minutes, for free), or even buy the Kindle ebook from Amazon. ($.99 US, or the UK equivalent).
Okay, so here’s the first thing that happened that influenced the story: My husband and I bought a modest house in Satellite beach, Florida, two blocks from the shore and close enough to Cape Canaveral to watch the Space Shuttle take off. We moved in in the dry(-ish) season; Florida was  suffering through a drought. Finally, when the rains came, they weren’t kidding around. The back yard flooded in what seemed like a Biblical downpour, and when the rain let up enough to no longer be deafening, we heard an unusual sound — no, sounds — coming from the back yard. It was pitch black out, and we had no lights back there. What we did have, it seemed to us, was a flock of sheep that had materialized out of thin air.
We thought we’d gone nuts!
But no; it was a flock of bleating frogs. They had lain dormant for months under our St Augustine grass, just waiting to be rehydrated.
Then, years later, I had a dream. Like many of my dreams, it was about house-hunting. Don’t ask why I dream of house-hunting; I just do. Anyway, the realtor in my dream took us to see a house that looked like the one I write about in Fogland.  Strange house, pretty cool, thought no more about it — until two days later, when I saw the house on the BBC! There it was, the house from my dream:
So it was that when Mark Capell, awesome author of “Cafe Insomniac” and other books, asked me to write a story for his Fogland project, my mind took a giant leap back to the flock of frogs from nowhere, and then to the House in the Clouds. I’m glad he loved the story, and proud to be part of the Fogland Project. And the podcast he made is wickedly good!

Trolls for Equality Now!

Greetings, troll watchers!

trollfrontcoverwithspine

I have news! Not only do we have a publisher for the charity anthology, we also have picked the charity: Equality Now. 

Please scroll down to watch Joss Whedon’s speech about why he supports this worthy cause — and if you watch from the beginning, you’ll get to see Meryl Streep introduce him! (It’s worth it.)

Thank you in advance to all the wonderful writers who are contributing troll stories for the anthology. And troll poems. And — who knew? — even troll haiku!

Our publisher, The Etling Press, is the brand new publishing division of the award-winning San Francisco design firm, Reflectur. They will handle all the nitpicky financial details, and at materials cost! The Etling Press is so new that they don’t even have a separate website or a logo yet. But Reflectur has many, many years of experience with pro-bono work for charity — and they have their own on-site events venue, The Box SF, in downtown San Francisco.

Who Gives a Crap?

(Please bear with me; there’s a method to my “psychic shit” madness!)

Some of you know that I jokingly fancy myself a media psychic. That is, some strange, very specific things have happened on TV, online or on the radio not long after I thought or dreamed of them. Truth is, I’m almost 100% sure that they are coincidences — but they are freaky, nonetheless. I’m not claiming causation in either direction — just correlation.

Here’s one example: I had a nightmare, in which I was walking behind some friends in a supposedly haunted house. They were all spooked, but of course I was whining about not believing in ghosts and how stupid it all was, when I was grabbed by the clothes on the middle of my back — as if by a giant hand or maybe a grappling hook — and yanked backwards, twenty or thirty feet across the room. This scared the living shit out of me and I woke up.

That evening I was washing dishes and decided to turn the TV to a channel I never watched. I went back to the sink, but turned to look at a commercial — which was a scene from a new movie: the scene from my dream, exactly.

Oftentimes, I wake up with a strange word or sentence in my head, and that turns out to be meaningful during the day. Remember Quid Pro Ho? But these days, since I injured my arm and sleep with it in a sling, I wake up thinking “Careful… careful…careful.” Because, if I move just wrong trying to get out of bed, the pain is faintingly sharp.

This morning, my first thought after “Careful… careful…careful” was about toilet paper. That’s not so surprising; after all, what do you do first when you get up? Pee. But today, sitting there, I started pitying the forests of the world, and wondering if there was a really sensible alternative to toilet paper — one that wouldn’t use more precious resources, such as water, or cause worse environmental and public health problems. I wished Turkish plumbing was better, so we could flush toilet paper instead of it ending up in landfills. There, poor people are exposed to the unspeakable as they try to salvage something to sell to recyclers — thus spreading filth, and possibly disease, far and wide. So I started wondering if composting toilets compost the toilet paper, too, and next thing you know I’m off the john and online to look it up. “But first let’s just check facebook…”

where we find this, the original sit-in, for “Who Gives a Crap” toilet paper:

So, do I think these coincidences happen for a reason? No. Can I make them meaningful? Yes. For example, I can pledge to give all my 2014 profits from the paperback version of “Hyperlink from Hell” to the charity that “Who Gives a Crap” toilet paper supports with 50% of their profits: WaterAid. Their mission is to “promote and secure poor people’s rights and access to safe water, improved hygiene and sanitation”, worldwide. What better charity could my toilet-obsessed ghosts support? What other books have parts dedicated to poo? (remember Part Two: Shit with Wings?) I’ll also set it up so that anyone who buys the paperback in 2014 gets the ebook for a discount (for free, if I can manage that).

For those who don’t live in the US, here’s the global page for Wateraid, which will take you where you need to go, in case you’d like to make a direct deposit. For the holidays.

If you are lucky enough to live in Australia, you can do even more. You can really give a crap, because “Who Gives a Crap” toilet paper can be delivered to your door.

Quid Pro HoHoHo!

 

Don’t make me kiss you.

Today, I realized what having a book giveaway feels like. It feels like I’m THAT little girl on the playground. The one who captures little boys, just so she can hold them down and bestow kisses on them!

Peske_Little_Girl_in_red_Dress

I was never that girl.

I don’t wanna be her now.

So don’t do it.

Don’t make me kiss you.

For all I know, you’ve got cooties.

Sign up below for your free Kindle e-book of Hyperlink from Hell.

Or a pdf file, if you prefer. And a chance to snag a free paperback.

Do it now. Don’t make me kiss you.

Cuz you know I’ll do it.

(Offer only available through this blog, thru Nov. 21st)

“Cue the Oreos and Pubic Hair…”

Book Giveaway, take Two:

If Hyperlink from Hell  were a cookie, it would be an Oreo. It has a dark analytical crust with a light, naughty, madcap mystery center. If that’s your kind of cookie, give Hyperlink a nibble.

Need more nutrition info about the book? Forget that puny PG blurb on the Amazon page. Here’s the one I like, the long one, the one that starts with…

Murder. Mayhem. And at least one “bat” guy.

A missing reality star, a buxom redhead, and a naked guy with a clipboard and no pubic hair all have something in common: the first chapter of “Hyperlink from Hell.” But what, exactly, is Hyperlink from Hell? That’s what the new Director of The Haven needs to know. Her former boss and mentor has checked out of his ancestral castle and into his own padded suite, all because of a few murders… and because reality has-been, Jimmie Canning, wrote a report to God in a “novel” format, then disappeared.

Join the Director as she analyzes the hell out of “Hyperlink from Hell,” Jimmie’s unlikely tale of kidnapping, murder, time travel and wardrobe malfunction… of Post Traumatic Death Syndrome… of good versus “bat.” It seems that Jimmie has just one goal: to save his girlfriend from her toothy, bloodthirsty ex; and just one strategy: “It all comes down to math.” The good news? He quits smoking. The bad news? Almighty Al, a dubious deity, is pulling faces, pulling jokes, and pulling all the strings.

Pity the Director. To save her mentor from madness, she must divine fact from fiction, fantasy from farce. Is “Hyperlink from Hell” pure delusion… or is there really an alternate universe, where even God’s insane?

Still here? I’ll send a free paperback to the first three people who respond using the contact form, below. The rest of you? I’ll send you a free PDF copy of the paperback, or a MOBI file for Kindle — your choice. No strings attached. (Promotion ends Nov. 21.)

Naturally, I hope to get a few more reviews on Amazon out of this. One star, four stars, whatever you think it deserves, love it or loathe it! Just a few words can make all the difference… If you feel like it. All the reviews it has are wonderful, and I really appreciate them. But they’re getting lonely over there.

(If you do choose to write a review, remember to note that you received a promotional copy of the book.)

If you’ve already read Hyperlink from Hell and you aren’t my close friend or relative, please consider writing a short review for Amazon. Here’s the link. Just click where it says “Create your own review.” It’s pretty painless — even fun. Thanks.

Book Giveaway! Ta-da!

Come with me, on a journey through time and space…

In a hurry and don’t want to read today’s blathering? Scroll down for the giveaway info! But if you’ve got a minute…

Last week marked my childhood hero’s birthday. (Carl Sagan, groovy astro-science dude, would have been 79 years old November 9th.) This week will mark my birthday. (I’m not tellin’.)

platform shoes

I wouldn’t be caught dead in these shoes!

One of the things on my “Ta-da”* list for this year was: “Market my book. Market it long and hard.” That didn’t happen. Instead, I skipped right to “Give up marketing. It takes too long and it’s hard.”

That doesn’t mean I haven’t been busy. I put on my author “platform” shoes and got to work — started this blog, built my own groovy website, formatted Hyperlink for paperback and published it. I’ve met lots of funny, generous writers and readers through the blog and website, through Kindleboards and Newsbiscuit and countless other online hangouts. I’ve even started reviewing books for Amazon and Goodreads. My latest project is bringing an international group of writers together to write stories for charity, and I’m working on the cover.

Still, I’ve resisted self-promotion. Why? Fear of failure? Fear of success? Both, in equal measure, plus simple bewilderment at the enormity of the task of marketing. Because I may not have been doing any marketing, but I have been reading about it.

Naked. Sweating. Trembling in my platform shoes.

Marketing has always belonged in the horror genre, to me. So I’ve been hiding out with the monster under my bed. But it’s getting chilly under here. The dust bunnies are growing fangs. And I realize I’ve been seeing marketing all wrong — as an unnecessary evil, something dirty and disgusting that shouldn’t even be thought of in polite company, much less talked about or — shudder! — actually done. Sure, I read about it and crawl out from under the bed to wash my hands from time to time, but that won’t sell billions and billions of books — not for me, and not for charity.

Time to put on some clothes, to do away with the dust bunnies, to change the old attitude — which was: “Marketing is scammy, sucky and awful and I’m not the type who can do it (so I’m going to stamp my foot and moan about it!)”*

The new attitude? Marketing is necessary; it’s not evil. It’s not scammy unless I let it be. I’m trying to see it this way: “Marketing is sharing what you love with people who will appreciate hearing about it.”* That’s skin-crawlingly sweet, but so be it.

What pushed me over the edge, off the cliff, into the waiting maw of self-promotion? The charity book. It will be published before next Halloween, and I need to develop some marketing strategies well before then, if it’s to be a success.

So here’s the first step: getting more Amazon reviews for the book I’ve already published: Hyperlink from Hell: A Couch Potato’s Guide to the Afterlife. Here’s the blurb:

Murder haunts The Haven, celebrity James Canning’s home since he lost touch with Reality TV. What’s his “shrink” to do? Assign writing therapy, of course. But when the good doc reads Canning’s memoire, Hyperlink from Hell, he checks into his own padded suite and Canning disappears.
 To save the doc from madness, The Haven’s new director must analyze the hell out of Hyperlink from Hell. Is Canning’s tale of kidnapping, time travel and wardrobe malfunction fact or fiction, deceit or delusion? Can she solve the murders, save her boss and find Canning? Or will she need a padded suite of her own?

(Takes deep breath! Steps forward off cliff.)

Giveaway Info:

If you’ve already read Hyperlink from Hell and you aren’t my close friend or relative, please consider writing a short review for Amazon. 

Here’s the link. Just click where it says “Create your own review.” It’s pretty painless — even fun.

Haven’t read the book, yet? I’ll send a free paperback to the first three people who respond using the contact form, below. The next 20 people? I’ll send you a free PDF copy of the paperback, or a MOBI file for Kindle — your choice.

In return for the free book, I hope to get a few unbiased reviews on Amazon. One star, four stars, whatever it deserves, love it or loathe it! Just a few words can make all the difference… If you feel like it.

(If you do choose to write a review, remember to note that you received a promotional copy of the book.)

Whew! Thank you for listening to my appeal. Now, I do feel a bit dirty, and under the bed is looking mighty comfy…

But no. Not gonna go there.

*****************************************************

  1. A Ta-da list is a “To Do” list with delusions of grandeur.
  2. From “How to Market a Book” by Joanna Penn
  3.  Ditto, baby.

A Troll Makeover

Been working on the cover for next year’s charity Halloween release. It’s a book of short stories by various authors, all with one shared element: a troll or trolls. Any kind of troll is fair game. An old etching of mine was the catalyst for the anthology. The terrifyingly pink-complexioned troll has benefitted from the makeover, I think.

Here’s the before picture of the troll etching:

pink troll1

And the after, so far. (Still needs a bit of tidying):

pink troll to send to authors

Lindy Moone’s gone Belly-Up!

Hello, you.

The title of this blog can change at any time, without warning, so I have given a good two minutes of my extremely cheap time to the decision to call it “Belly-up.” I like Belly-up, at least for now, mostly because it has more than one meaning, and anyone who’s read Hyperlink from Hell knows I’m all over that sh&t. I also like commas. And dashes. Dashes are good.

Unless it’s a cockroach dashing up your arm, causing you to run screaming and naked into the living room, where your husband and sister are watching reruns of Mork and Mindy.

So belly-up to the blog, boys and girls. There’s no telling how long this will last.

NOW: Perhaps you have questions. Perhaps I have answers.

Q: Why have you, author Lindy Moone, decided to blog, after just last week (on your website) saying you wouldn’t, because most blogs are educational or informative, and where’s the fun in that?

A: They’re making me do it.

Q: Who?

A: Them. Those guys. The marketing gurus who say you gotta blog if you wanna sell your book.

Q: So, you’re just using us. You just want to sell us your book, to have your way with us and then throw us away.

A: Alright, I’ll admit it started out that way, but trust me, I’ve come to care for you. The dainty way you pick your noses while reading emails, floss your teeth at the keyboard, and then floss the keyboard — and a hundred more (unspeakable) things — these have endeared you to me! (And if not to me, to someone, and if not to someone, you might want to reconsider your filthy habits.)

NOW: if you’ll all just fart the theme to “The Big Bang Theory,” I’ll be yours forever.

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