…from social media — funny guy named Jesse — asked me to write down this recipe. As a rule (there is no rule, I’m just making that up), I don’t write down recipes. At all. Especially not this one. That’s because the last time someone asked me to write down this recipe, she died. (Not making that up.) So read this recipe at your peril, make it if you dare, and eat it with whomever you plan to kiss goodnight. Or goodbye. Or whatever.
(caramelized vegetables with garlic-yogurt sauce)
3 yellow summer squash, or 5 zucchini (or courgette, or whatever you call them in your country. They are “kabak” here in Turkey, but you don’t care and why should you?)
3 eggplants (aubergine, “patlican”)
3 sweet red peppers (the kind you would roast, not red bell peppers, although those would be okay I suppose, you heathen) (“kirmizi biber”)
3 sweet green peppers (not bell peppers)
1 or 2 sliced, hot green peppers, more if you are a full-grown dragon (optional)
1 cup olive oil
2 cups full fat, unadulterated plain yogurt
8 fat cloves of garlic, fewer if you are a baby dragon (none if you are not a dragon at all, and how sad for you)
1/4 teaspoon coarse salt
pinch of crushed red pepper flakes (optional)
pinch of fine (table) salt
strain the yogurt if it seems runny (an hour should do it; we’re not making yogurt cheese here)
mash the garlic cloves and coarse salt with a wooden mortar and pestle; it should be pretty much liquified — you don’t want big pieces of raw garlic to chomp on; stir the mashed garlic into the strained yogurt and refrigerate, covered
Preheat oven to 200 degrees celsius (dragons, just use your breath)
Fry the vegetables in olive oil:
cut the squash into 3/4 inch cubes, sprinkle them with a little fine salt, and stir fry them in a single layer in a large frying pan in 1/4 cup olive oil, over medium high heat, just until they start to soften and have some well-browned sides; remove from the oil with a slotted spoon and scatter into a small, shallow roasting pan
cut the peppers into 1 inch pieces and fry them in the same oil, just until they blister; add them to the squash pieces in the roasting pan
add the remaining oil to the frying pan and heat it, while you
cut four strips of peel lengthwise from the eggplants and cut them into 3/4″ cubes.
add the eggplant pieces to the pan, sprinkle them with a little fine salt, stir them until they are equally oil-sodden little sponges, and fry them until they, too, have some well-browned sides. You might need to add even more oil, but don’t worry; they will release quite a lot of this oil in the oven. Add the fried eggplant to the roasting pan and stir in the hot pepper slices, if using.
Roast the vegetables for 15-25 minutes (This is to your taste. 25 minutes makes them a dark, sweet, creamy, lightly carcinogenic, suitable-for-toothless-Turkish-mothers-in-law mush). Transfer the vegetables and their oil to a shallow serving dish.
Serve warm or at room temp with yogurt sauce (on the side or smothering them, your choice), sprinkled with the pepper flakes if you wish. For vegans, omit the yogurt sauce; the caramelized veggies are pretty tasty without it. And they are pretty good cold, too.
Try not to die.
Have you ever considered that there are some words you dislike, that irritate you, but you don’t know why?
I never did.
In fact, I found it amusing to know that some people can’t bear to hear the words “moist” or “panties”… even when they aren’t used in the same sentence as “grab ’em by the pussy”. But lately it’s occurred to me that there are some very useful words that I’ve come to hate.
And I know why.
Here are just a few of them:
bellicose, braggart, bully, liar, delusional, two-faced, greedy, slanderer
Think about it. Are there any words YOU hate, that you’d like to share?
You don’t have to say why.
Greetings from The Voice of Doom!
Remember the old story from Isaac Asimov?
I was once being interviewed by Barbara Walters… In between two of the segments she asked me… “But what would you do if the doctor gave you only six months to live?” I said, “Type faster.”
Well, then: You probably know all about these two good reasons to stay indoors and type faster:
Arctic lampreys falling from the sky, and
I mean, people, we already knew that when it blows, civilization as we know it will end. Now they say the new magma chamber they’ve found could fill the Grand Canyon 11 times! So what the world needs now is more Paranormal Romance! Chick Lit! YAAAAAAAAAA !!!!
The Voice of Doom wants more bad news, more reasons to type faster.
Just signed the tax forms. Where it said “occupation,” I put “writer,” but only because THIS wouldn’t fit:
“I take those stupid fb tests, you know, the ones where you’re supposed to find out which ’80s action hero you are (John McClane), or which Harry Potter character you are (Hermione, duh!), or which famous writer is your soulmate, even though she’s dead and you’re not a lesbian (Virginia Woolf) or which kick-ass character you are from a TV series (RIVER SONG, alias Melody Pond. I get to marry The Doctor, who, by the way, has also kissed me mum).”
You know what else wouldn’t fit under “Occupation”? This:
“I turn sentences around. That’s my life. I write a sentence and then I turn it around. Then I look at it and I turn it around again. Then I have lunch. Then I come back in and write another sentence. Then I have tea and turn the new sentence around. Then I read the two sentences over and turn them both around. Then I lie down on my sofa and think. Then I get up and throw them out and start from the beginning.” (Phillip Roth)
Or this: “I do the hokey pokey and I turn the words around…”
Or this. “Yes, I AM a writer! I didn’t say it pays…”
Or this: “Stop laughing, IRS guy! I said, Stop laughing!”
You know what would fit, though? “Hello, Sweetie!”